How to Do Wedding Invitations and Guest Lists

The wedding invitation is your guests' introduction to your wedding, and you want them to be perfect. From heavy white paper with silk ribbon trim to playful palm trees and coconuts, your invitations set the tone and communicate the theme for your big day. They are a symbol of your wedding's degree of formality and a keepsake for your guests.

The guest list affects many of the wedding decisions the engaged couple will make, including the selections for wedding stationery. So, before any of the invitations, stationery, and so on can be purchased, the guest list should be set and the total number of guests determined.

Here are three steps to making a guest list:

*If you know that you will have a generous budget, the guest count can be set first, and then the budget determined accordingly. However, if you think that funds will be tight, you should set the budget first, and then determine how many guests can be invited.

*Divide the guest list into five categories: the bride's list; the groom's list; a list of common friends; the groom's parents' list; and the bride's parents' list.

*Begin removing names until you reach your target number.

Use the Guest List Worksheet to help organize your efforts.

Once the guest list has been finalized, its time to think about wedding stationary. You will need quite an assortment of printed items for the wedding. Most printers provide wedding packages. However, depending on which printer you choose, the items included in the wedding stationery package will vary. The package you select should have everything you want -- and nothing you don't need. Use the Invitations Checklist to keep track of all the necessary information.

Some of the more common wedding items are:

The Wedding Invitation

You can usually spot a wedding invitation in the mail a mile away -- it has a "LOVE" stamp in the corner and is bursting at the seams. The reason the envelope is so jam-packed is that a wedding invitation is actually a set of items.

*The Ceremony Invitation and Envelope: The invitation announces the tone of the wedding and thus can take on any number of styles -- from traditional to unique. The wedding invitation itself traditionally comes from the bride's parents, but it can also come from the bride and groom. The tone or style of the invitation should reflect the tone or style of the wedding.

There are several different invitation styles, from traditional to contemporary. All are perfectly acceptable. You both will, however, need to set a style before hiring a printer, since different shops have different printing capabilities. There are lots of places to look for style inspiration. You could look at friends' invitations, for example. You should also visit at least two printers and look at their sample books so that you can get an idea of what's available.

*The Reception Invitation: The reception invitation can have three formats: It can be included on the same invitation as the ceremony information; it can be a separate invitation or card; or, if a guest is only invited to the reception, it can be used in place of the ceremony invitation. If the reception invitation is separate, however, the card style should match that of the ceremony invitation.

*The Response Card(s) and Envelope: The response card addresses the ceremony, the reception, or both. If the reception information is on the same invitation as the ceremony information, a single response card can be used. Otherwise, separate response cards should be used for the ceremony and the reception. Response cards should have a line for the guest name(s), the number of people attending, and, for reception responses, the menu choices (if needed). You should also include a self-addressed, stamped envelope in which the response card can be returned. The card should also have a final response date -- generally two to four weeks before the wedding.

Other Printed Items

If you know in advance the other printed items you would like at your wedding, ask the printer you've selected for your invitations to add in these items at a discount. This will not only save you money but will also ensure that each printed piece matches the style of the others.

*Maps: It is increasingly common to include a map to the ceremony site and the reception site with the invitation. This could be a computer-generated map or one that you draw yourself. Just make sure that all of your lines and directions are clear before you give it to the printer. Also include a phone number for the destination. That way, the guest can call if they get lost.

*Pew cards: If you plan a large wedding ceremony and want to make sure certain guests have reserved seats, insert a pew card into the invitation. When guests present this card to an usher, they will be seated accordingly. The pew card includes the guest name(s), the ceremony location, and the pew number and its section (the bride's side or the groom's side).

As an alternative, the card can say simply "Within the Ribbon", to indicate that the guest can sit anywhere within a designated area marked by a ribbon. This is often done where the ceremony will not be held in a church, but you still want special guests to sit in a certain area.

*Wedding programs: The wedding program names the bride and groom, the officient, all members of the wedding party, and any readers and soloists. It also lists the ceremony events, including all songs, prayers, and scriptures to be read. Ushers distribute the programs as well as seat the guests. Either your officient or your church, synagogue, or temple coordinator can supply previous wedding programs for samples. You could also check with friends and your printer to see other examples.

*Place cards, matchbooks, napkins, etc.: You can include printed items -- such as napkins and matchbooks -- at the reception tables and scattered around the site, such as at the bar or the appetizer table. These printed pieces can include your names only; your names and wedding date; or the names, date, and a symbol, such as wedding bells. They are generally printed in a color that coordinates with your reception colors.

*Thank-You cards: Since you both will be writing many thank you cards during the coming months, it's nice to have appropriate thank you stationery printed. These cards are small (generally folded and four inches by five inches) and are usually made of rich white or ivory paper. They have "Thank You," the bride's and groom's names, or their initials printed on the front.

*Wedding announcements: A formal wedding announcement is mailed the day after the wedding to family and friends who couldn't be invited to the event. An announcement can also go to local newspapers and magazines. A newspaper or magazine wedding announcement is worded much like the engagement announcement.

*At-Home cards: This card is sometimes included with the invitation or the wedding announcement. It tells whether the bride will be using her married or maiden last name and where the couple will live.

Proof the Proof

Whatever stationary package you decide on, the printer will provide you with sample for your approval. Can you imagine anything more embarrassing than misspelling your future mother-in-law's name on the invitation? To avoid mistakes, enlist proofing help from at least three people -- preferably a mix of people from both sides. In addition, read each line in the invitation proof backward, from right to left. This forces you both to isolate each word. If you both question any name, circle it and phone someone to check the spelling. Use a dictionary to check other questionable words. As for dates, times, and sites, after you've double-checked this information, go back and check it all again. (And a third check wouldn't hurt, either!)

Addressing Invitations

Traditionally wedding invitations have required two envelopes - an inner envelope that contains the actual invitations and inserts and an outer envelope to hold the inner envelope. While many brides continue to follow this rule, it is perfectly acceptable to omit the inner envelope. If present, the inner envelope only bears the names of the guests. No address is necessary. No abbreviations are made on outer envelopes. Words naming roads such as Street and the names of states should be written out. Wedding invitations are always addressed to both members of a married couple. Invitations to an unmarried couple should be addressed to Mr. John Doe and Ms. Elizabeth Smith. A child over the age of 18 can receive a separate invitation, or may be included on the parents' invitation. An invitations to both parents and child should be addressed to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and Tony. If you are allowing single guests to bring dates, the proper thing to do is to simply write your friend's name on the outer envelope and add the ...and Guest part to the inner envelope. For unmarried couples living together, the envelopes should be addressed to both of them even if you are really only friends with one. Formal titles, such as Doctor or Reverend, should be used, where appropriate, and should be spelled out. While it is certainly easier and cheaper to use computer-generated labels, your invitations really should be hand-addressed.

Return Address

You need to include a return address on your wedding invitations. For one thing it allows the guest to know where to send the wedding gift. In addition, it lets the postal service know where to return it if it is undeliverable for some reason.

The return address is usually printed on the back flap of the envelope.

Stuffing the Envelopes

The invitation and additional inserts should be placed in the inner envelope with the invitation facing the back of the inner envelope so that it's the first thing the guest sees when opening the inner envelope. Reception cards, response cards, direction cards and any other item should be inserted into the envelope in the order you want guests to see them. The front of the inner envelope should face the back of the outer envelope so that the guest will see their names on the front of the inner envelope when opening the outer envelope.

Other Things to Remember

*Order only one invitation per married couple.

*Order a few additional invitations for last minute guests and keepsakes.

*Check all spelling, dates, times and addresses, and then check them AGAIN.

*The Post Office has special stamps to compliment your wedding invitation.

*Have post office weigh one invitation to ensure one stamp is sufficient postage. Ask your printer for a sample of your invitation, including all envelopes, enclosures, and pieces of tissue paper that will be part of your final invitation. These samples can be blank, since normal printing doesn't add weight.

*Place stamps on the response envelopes.

*Make sure the inner and outer envelope names match.

*Invitations should be mailed 4 - 6 weeks before your wedding.